ARRRGGGGG!!!!!!!

I swear Alton cannot even come here to drop off money to pay bills without starting an argument! It's so ridiculous. He has got soooooo much pent up anger towards me it isn't even funny. I wish he could just somehow release it and then maybe things could head to getting better. But he is so hard headed and stubborn that it will never happen. I have finally made the decision to get the divorce going. I was waiting for him to make the first move since he wanted this so badly, but I'm not sure what he's waiting for. I'm just tired of sitting and wondering what's going to happen with my life, so I went and got things started the other day. I've told him this, and I don't think he believes me. He's supposed to be served with his papers early next week. Then he's really going to hate me even more, because his shop in the morning is the only place that I know where he is at a certain time, so that's where they will have to serve him. He won't tell me where he is at any other time like in the evening after work. So that's how it has to be. Let me just tell you....this is the single most hardest and saddest thing that I have ever had to do in my life! I don't wish this on my worst enemy! I keep thinking how I've pictured Alton and I growing old and gray together, and now that won't be happening. Then I was looking at old pictures tonight from when we first met. That was such a magical time! I wish I could rewind and go back to those times even if it was for just a day. He made me feel sooooo good then. Like I was the only person on earth and I was all that mattered. I wish I could remember when that feeling went away. When everything else became so much more important. So to everybody who reads this and have a relationship please take this advise....Don't ever forget to make sure your significant other knows how special they are to you. More then just saying I Love You.

The future

Well, the shock of the fact that I am going to be a divorced woman has worn off. Now I have the worry as to what to do next. Should I go back to school, should I just try to find a full time job, should I just wait until the divorce is final. There are sooooo many questions. I have started looking for a job, and have had one interview so far, but the pay is not even close to being enough to support myself. Plus I am still waiting for Alton to make his move as far as filing for the divorce. As of yesterday he still hadn't. I talked to a lawyer that I really like and will go with when need be. She said I can make the first move if want to, but, I don't want this in the first place so I'll wait on him. Please keep me in your prayers that God will be me the strength I need and lead me in the right direction.

Life sure can take some crazy twists in a short amount of time. A couple weeks ago I was getting ready for a vacation to South Carolina, and now I'm getting ready to go through a divorce. I'm not going to go into all of the gory details, but I am just so sad. It's similar to a death in the family to me. I'm losing my best friend, my confidant, my life partner! I'm 30 years old with no job, or education and am probably going to have to move back into my parents house. I just can't get over that. I really should have seen this coming, because it's been going to happen for quite some time now. It's just finally came to a head I suppose. So please to whom ever reads this, please keep us in your prayers that we can get through this. Thank you!